How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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