She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and she was petting her beer can
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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