The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
