Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
