he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I still have a little drunk in my system
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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