listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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