"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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