Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
