No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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