I'm gonna have a badass scar
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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