every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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