I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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