Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
