i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
