i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
