Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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