so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
