Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
