It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
