I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
