he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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