nut hugger
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
