I think im going to throw up on grandma
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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