It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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