I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
