I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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