I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
