And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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