He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
