well you can't waste a boner
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
