my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
