Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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