do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
