Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
