Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
