I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
