I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
