im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
