I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
