If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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