bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
