yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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