Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
