When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Found your dick twin last night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
