I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
