clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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