i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
COCAINE IS GR8
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
