ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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