I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
