She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
