I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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