did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
