The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
