His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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