Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
