and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
