Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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