sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
