So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
