I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
