Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
