i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
