Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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